My niece is the CUTEST BABY EVER!

And why wouldn't she be? She's related to me! HA!

Making the first of many blog entries to come, here is my precious goddaughter Alexis Marie!

You know how when a new baby enters the family, everyone says s/he is the cutest little baby ever? Well, sure they all say it, but I really mean it!

Her cheeks are like big, soft marshmallows, her eyes are huge and dark and full of wonder, and her hair has grown from that of a troll-doll/chia pet fro to a sweep of beautiful, long dark locks.

Lexi is just over 9 months old already, and this Curious little Georgette is in full-crawl-mode! She completely makes my day, when I go to my sister's to visit - I'll yell out from around the corner, "Where's my little poopits?" (note: "poopits" is a term of endearment, a Ukrainian slang'ish word we heard in our household when we were growing up), and I'll hear the high-pitched squeal of recognition and hear the thump-thump-thump of her little hands and knees as they crawl furiously around the corner to see her aunty!

She gives the world's best snuggles and hugs, and she's even learning how to give kisses (although Aunty still has to sneak one in every now and then, only to watch Lexi squeal with excitement and play coy as she throws her head to the other side and laughs)!

I was fortunate enough to have been asked by Leanne to be in the delivery room with her as she popped this little angel out - and from that moment, when I first saw Lexi being brought into this world, I fell in love with her. It was such an amazing experience, to have witnessed something so powerful and so miraculous - and now, to see Lexi, to watch her grow, I see my sister and my brother-in-law Jon in her more and more every day - to know that they made this perfect little girl, and to actually see the resemblance - it's one thing to hear about it, but to actually experience it is something undescribable. I just can't wait for Donovan and I to start having our own little ones -I can't wait to meet them, and to see which of our features s/he will have!

So tell me, is this not the cutest baby EVER??!

Oh man, I want a baby!

Currently playing: Roy Orbison - Mystery Girl

Reasons why I shouldn't be left unattended...

Chapter 2 - Ways I've Inadvertantly Caused Damage to Our Property

1. Drove my car too far forward into my parking spot and ran into the little fence in our backyard.

2. While cleaning the bathroom with some bleach solution, I accidentally sprayed some on the walls. Now our purple walls have spatterings of green discolourations.

3. Lesson learned: nail polish remover doesn't get orange Kool-Aid out of carpet.

Fresh Legs and a Fresh Man - the story of Gropey McJazz-Hands

I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to a man Donovan and I have cleverly - and appropriately - dubbed Gropey McJazz-Hands.

Gropey is a man that I had the (mis?)fortune of sitting beside at the newly-named Scotiabank Centre (the arena formerly known as the Corel Centre) for the Ottawa Senators game on Monday night.

Now Gropey started off a quiet, simple man, joining us in the 300 section of the arena just after the first period started, taking the empty seat on my right. He was your typical Senators fan - donning his Sens jacket and matching cap with pride. His elderly charm became apparent, and was enjoyed immensely by Donovan and myself, whenever our home team made a good play: instead of clapping, he would raise his arms up in a perfect 90-degree angle perpendicular to his body, and give the Sens an approving display of jazz hands while shouting words like "Fabulous!", "Wonderful!", and "Absolutely splendid!"

As the first period came to an end, Donovan and I stood up and prepared to leave our seats for a few minutes, and Gropey decided to stand up and leave his seat, too. But he didn't leave before (and this is how he got his name) putting his hand on my side and sliding it down to my hip for an extended, and completely unnecessary, amount of time.

"Donovan, that old man is groping me," I whispered in Donovan's ear, as I urged him along the line of people to get me out of Gropey's engrossing grasp. "What the? I'm gonna say something!" Donovan chivalrously replied. "No, it's ok, let's just go," I begged.

So we left our seats, and Gropey went his seperate way.

We didn't see him again until the start of the 3rd period.

This time, the sweet and once-charming old Gropey we first came to know and love was no longer...this time, Gropey had turned into a drunken and completely obnoxious "fan", who reeked of booze and whose jazz-hands could now be likened to out of control grand mal seizures! His arms no longer stayed at the once-familiar 90-degree angle - oh no, they were straight up in the air, and everytime he waived his jazz-hands, he screamed like a maniac.

"YEEEAAAHHHH!!!!! HOORAY!!!"

Those jazz-hands were just a-going!

Then something happened - Donovan and I aren't sure what was going on on the ice - but Gropey decided to lean over me, his hand on my thigh, as he slurred to Donovan above the noise of the crowds around us, "They took it back! Did you see that? They must have gone upstairs and complained!"

"Yeah, I guess so, " Donovan replied, admitting to me that he had no idea what Gropey was talking about. He spied Gropey's hand on my leg, and again begged me to let him say something, or at least switch seats with him, but I declined, citing the end of the game was near as my reason for staying put.

And that's when "Fresh Legs" comes into play....Gropey was very pleased with himself, that, despite his gross intoxication, he was still able to commentate the game from his seat to the people around him (namely Donovan and I).

"See that? They're playing smart....they put those fresh legs out on the ice now, that's some smart playing. Those fresh legs are smart. Look at those smart, fresh legs go!"

FRESH LEGS!!!!

So cut to the end of the game - the Sens are in the lead 4-3 with a few seconds to spare. 3...2...1...the buzzer sounds, and excitement fills the arena as Sens fans harmoniously jump to their feet and cheer! Donovan and I leap out of our seats and high five each other - then Gropey leans in and high fives Donovan (and we're talking the double high-five here, both hands...too bad Gropey was too drunk to hit either of Donovan's hands!). So I turn to Gropey (he's standing right there, looking at me...I have to do something....)....awkward pause....the world seems to slow down and almost come to a complete stop. But you know what, I say to myself, this is a hockey game, and here's just a drunk fan having fun, and we had fun laughing at him.

I laugh and open my arms to embrace him - hey, why not, good times were had by all and our team won - and that's when the grope of all gropes happened.

He grabbed my boob and pretty much hung on for a few seconds.

Too much in shock - and afraid of the fight that would ensue if I told Donovan - I just moved away and pushed Donovan out through the throngs of people, as far away from Gropey as we could get!

And that was the last we saw of Gropey!

Despite the multiple showers I took that night, I had a pretty good time, thanks to Gropey - not for his gropiness, but rather for the jazz-hands aspect of it all.

Thanks for the mammaries....uhhh, MEMORIES, Gropey McJazz-Hands!

Wednesday's Spam

Ok, so our trip to Ottawa produced many blog-worthy stories, some of which I hope to write on soon (once I find enough time away from GD work!).

But in the interim, please enjoy this week's edition of Wednesday's Spam!

This one comes from Bethany Barton @ roach.self@gmx.net. The subject heading:

increase in sexual desire

(is your curiousity piqued yet?)

Bethany writes:

Carefully chosen herbal ingredients are the key to pen1s enlargement
success.

Not only the precise blend of ingredients but also many other factors
have effect on the overall potency and strength of penis enlargement formula.

Some of these factors include growing conditions, geographical location
where herbs are grown, harvest time, the way herbs are stored before processing, the way herbs are processed.

http://cgjlabfmd.nicproc.net/?ehikdxwqowycgjlzppabfm


Well, seeing as how I DON'T have a pen1s - and obviously have no use for this bit of poorly-written information - I decided to click on the link.

Aside from regurgitated information from the copy in the email, I luckily stumbled upon the story of this brave lad - let's call him Burt. Now Burt's story is a touching one...this is the story of Burt, 25, from New York:

My ex-girlfriend used to laugh at the size of my small pen1s. After we broke up I was feeling sorry for myself and stumbled across your website. I figured it couldn't do any harm to try Virility Patch RX for a bigger pen1s. Wow, I am glad I did! I've only been using your enlargement pills for six months but I've already gained three inches in length and one inch in girth.

We appreciate your brutal honesty, Burt, and we thank you for being brave enough to share your personal trials and tribulations, but I've got one question for you - what the hell are you doing with a girl who does nothing but laugh at and insult you? You deserved to be belittled, and you probably only stuck with her because your unit IS so small and couldn't get it anywhere else!

Now I won't get into detail, but I had to bring up this next story. Alan from San Francisco writes:

Thank you, thank you and thank you again! As soon as my order of Virility Patch RX arrived I got out the digital camera and took a 'before' photo of my pen1s. I made a deal with myself that I would take another photo when I was done the batch I ordered. If I didn't see any difference you would have been the first person to hear about it! I couldn't belive my eyes - I was three inches longer.

Who the heck DOES that? Now, I don't have a pen1s, but even if I did, would I take a picture of it? Even if it were to map results of some phoney product? Is this what men do? I wouldn't even THINK of doing that! What the flip is that all about? And what are you going to do with it, show it to your friends and family? "Hey Mom, look at this!"

Thanks for thinking of me, Bethany, and for taking the time to email me, but until I grow a pen1s and become vile enough to want to take pictures of it (perhaps they could be worth money from the Guiness World Book of Records?), I'm going to have to delete this useless bit of information!

Currently listening to: Donovan running upstairs to shut the oven off and prevent our pizza from bursting into flames!

Tonight's the night!

Well, here we are, day 3 in Ottawa, and tonight is the big event - the reason we made this journey in the first place! I have to admit, I'm still a bit concerned that those tickets that I purchased off eBay for the game tonight are counterfeit....but that just means we'll have more time to spend touring the Parliament buildings! (I'm always looking at the bright side of things!)

I've taken my morning shower in water that fortunately does not reek of eggs (as did our experience at the Econo-Lodge West in Calgary a couple of years back), and I indugled my hair in an entire bottle of complimentary shampoo that smelled like pepper. I'm ready for another day o' fun here in the nation's capital, and believe it or not, really looking forward to tonight's game!

The Ottawa Senators jerseys are awaiting our purchasing at stores near us, so it's time to go....lots to post upon our return tomorrow afternoon! Wish me luck..........I fear my studies in the business of hockey will fail me..........

Wednesday's Spam, one day late...

Sorry, I was at work for 12hrs yesterday, and by the time I got home, I had just enough energy to watch almost 2 episodes of 24 and have dinner. So this posting comes 4hrs and 47 minutes late....sorry Robin!

Well, without further ado, here we go!

This email comes from /MatureDating/ zoutrnadkfj@hotmail.ca, and this person, obviously concerned with my lifestyle, is encouraging me to findAction closerThenYouThink.

/MatureDating/ writes:

geesh, its amazingHow close some peopleAre! Find aFriend that youCan have someFUN with! http://www.feedingfristy.com

So I thought, since this person obviously spent the time and took the effort to help me find someone - a Friend - that I could have some fun with, I would do them the honour of clicking on the link to the web site they had specifically selected, just for me.

At first, I have to admit, I was a bit leary, as I don't know WHO Fristy is, or how much I'd have to feed it. But once the page finished loading (it took a few minutes), I was greeted with the header, "Local girls looking for...GUYS LIKE YOU".

I thought, "Wow, /MatureDating/ sure sent this email to the wrong person."

And the reason it took so long for the page to download was because of all the pictures of the friendly young ladies, looking to meet guys - NOT like me. Only whoever took these poor girls' pictures had clearly ripped them off - they were not professional photographers - these photographers couldn't even hold their camera angles straight, they were all slipping down, so in some cases, you can't even see the gals' faces! Poor, poor ladies, they had hopes of meeting some friends they could "have some fun with", and now these gents will never know what the faces of these girls look like.

After all that, I still don't know who Fristy is.

To Fristy, whomever you are, here's my advice to you: stay in school.


Currently playing: Queen - Killer Queen

One week of cramming...

So we're officially 1 week away from watching one of the biggest sporting event matches in Ontario history: the Ottawa Senators vs the Toronto Maple Leafs.

(that's hockey, right?)

I didn't know what to buy Donovan for Christmas - what could I possibly choose for the love of my life that he would appreciate more than anything? So I took the easy route - find the one thing he loves more than me.

So I bought him tickets to the Senators game in Ottawa.

I was right - he is super excited about it, and he does love the Sens more than me.

Unfortunately, I fear this gift will bring about a terrible experience. I'm not a hockey "fan", nor do I understand what "icing" is (if it doesn't come in a tin from Betty Crocker, what's its purpose?). And the Leafs...proper grammer would dictate they should be called the "Leaves". Am I right or am I right? Am I right? Right?

This is just the beginning of a flurry of questions and comments to come. I can envision it now: there we'll be, sitting side by side, the game will have just begun, and Donovan will perspire with pure excitement. His newly-purchased Senators attire will have already begun to lose it's crispness as he fidgets about in his seat. The first whistle of the game will blow - and I'll ask, "What does that mean? Why did they do that?" He'll appease me, at first, thinking he's being sweet and I'm just "adorable" for not understanding. He'll give me explanations in hopes that I'll understand and won't have to ask again. But of course, as the game continues and the next whistle blows, I'll just ask the same questions again. Not to be mean, but simply for the fact that I just don't get it! During the course of the game, his answers will become more curt and brief, they'll be barked at me, and by the end of the game, we'll probably be divorced, citing grounds that I ruined the one event he's been looking forward to since our wedding day.

So that leaves me with one conclusion - I have a lot of studying to do. I've got one week left to cram into my noodle as much knowledge of hockey as I possibly can (and to attempt to stay awake doing it!).

Next year, he's getting socks for Christmas.

Reasons why I shouldn't be left unattended...

Chapter 1 - Ways I've Almost Burned our House Down

1. Left an oven mitt on top of an element that was on.
2. Left candles burning when I went out shopping.
3. Dropped a lit match on the rug when lighting candles.

Note: All of the above actions were accidental. None of these accidents caused property damage or bodily harm....the latter, I'm sure, will be caused once Donovan reads about them!

Currently listening to: the carnie "security" "guards" here at the airport discussing which cheese lasts the longest without going mouldy. I think cheddar is the number one choice....so far.

Wednesday's Spam

I'd like to start a new series on my blog, highlighting the best spam my hotmail account has received every week. This new series, aptly named "Wednesday's Spam", kicks off to a firecracker of a start with this compelling email from "real young to middle-aged women" (seriously, I'm just going to copy and paste it!).

Now, real young to middle-aged women writes:

young and middle-aged females...
Lecia (22) here... I hopefully, demanding to meet complements.

I haven't yet figured out if "real young to middle-aged women" is the NAME of the person who is penning this plea (obviously not, otherwise there would have been some MAJOR problems trying to explain THAT name to all your friends in kindergarten), or a request for that which the subject line describes. I wouldn't consider the latter, until I read the copy in the email. It starts off, "young and middle-aged females..." as if it's a call to those who fall in that specified demographic. But then, confusion ensues when Lecia (22) begins to tell us that she is "hopefully, demanding to meet complements."

Is she hopefully demanding to meet complements from young and middle-aged females? Is she looking for an assortment of females who are young or middle aged, or is she looking for that one person who's age is the magic number that considers them to be both young AND middle-aged at the same time? And if so, what IS that magic number?

And how do you meet complements?

My advice to Lecia: stay in school.

Currently listening to: airport-wide announcements (I'm at work!)

Bono is my friend!

It's true!

My decade-long obsession with the frontman of the greatest band to have ever walked the face of the earth has sent me - MOI!!! - an email, and in it, called me his FRIEND!

Bono has been the target of many of my restraining-order-worthy thoughts for over 10 years now, and luckily my husband doesn't mind too much! :) Last March, we flew out to Vancouver to catch their Vertigo tour (my 3rd time seeing them, Donovan's second...amateur!). While we, along with the millions of other fans, were pouring into the arena, we were stopped by an army of yellow-shirt-clad yuppies, handing us pamphlets to read and documents on clipboards to sign. This was, of course, in support of Bono's One campaign - "The Campaign To Make Poverty History".

Of course we signed our names to support the cause, and added our email addresses to be on the mailing list. Granted, I get "emails" all the time from "celebrities", thanking me for my support (it's not a financial contribution, but rather just an opportunity to voice my opinion and pen my name to petitions when requested), but no time have I received an email from someone on this campaign where I was called someone's "friend".

Let alone from the man I've been pining over for nearly half of my life.

This is the email I received from Bono. You will note in the very first line, BONO HIMSELF calls ME his FRIEND:

Dear Friend:
Thank you for starting a movement to save lives. Thank you for asking your friends and family to join ONE.org. Thank you for calling on the President, Congress and the heart of America to do more for the world's poor.

Thank you for being one of the first 2 million of us crazy enough to say America won't stand for global AIDS and stupid poverty. And thank you to the people who joined campaigns in other countries to make their governments come to the table and do more for the world's poor.

Thank you for the concrete results that came from calling on America to invest more in fighting poverty and disease in Africa and around the world. In July, the whole world heard you: the leaders of the 8 richest nations - the G8 - pledged an additional $50 billion annually to poor countries by 2010, half of it for Africa.

Already our money is getting results. Thank you America for putting over half a million people on life-saving AIDS medicines and leading an effort that has provided 8 million anti-malaria bednets and treated 1 million people with TB. And thank you for pushing our governments to use this money to provide AIDS drugs to everyone who needs them and basic schooling for every child.

Thank you for being part of a campaign that will cancel the crushing debts of up to 36 countries, and more to come.

Thank you to the people who called on government to act and thank you to the people in government, who started to listen and who will have to make sure we keep these historic promises and build upon them.

We must keep the positive pressure on our leaders if we want them to follow through. Americans must give these leaders permission to invest just a fraction more of the budget in what we know works, from $5 mosquito nets to drug treatments that cost pennies apiece.

If ONE thing is certain for 2006, this campaign will keep growing, your voice will grow louder, your compassion and thirst for justice will keep saving more lives. By 2008, ONE needs to have 5 million supporters, each of us doing what we can, learning more, telling friends, calling Congress.

Take one minute and ask three friends to join ONE and make the impossible possible with you in 2006.

Beating AIDS and extreme, stupid poverty, this is our moon shot. This is our generation's civil rights struggle, our anti-apartheid movement. This is what the history books will remember our generation for — or blame us for, if we fail. We can't afford to fail nor will we.

We've come a long way, and we've got a long way to go. Now let's really get started.
Thank you,
Bono

Does it get any more personal than that?! Ok, so it's a long shot, but y'know, the content of the generic email is very powerful and worth reading as it is.

But it certainly does help his cause and affect MY contributions by calling me his friend!

Ok, I'm over it now!

Currently listening to: my dryer running, probably shrinking all my clothes, that bastard!

MC Swayze

And I'm not talking about a new McDonald's "burger" here.

The best news (and by "best" I mean "most entertaining", not necessarily the "best" "idea") I've heard all year - 5 days in now! - is that Point Break star Patrick Swayze wants to release a rap single! www.allhiphop.com reports:

After years of being indirectly involved with hip-hop music, actor/pop singer Patrick Swayze is finally experimenting with rap music.

Swayze recently said he was experimenting with “rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.”

You'll recall the 53-year-old Swayze had a pretty darn big hit with the song “She’s Like The Wind” from the soundtrack to the film Dirty Dancing in 1987.

Does that make him a "singer" then? So what, does that mean my neighbour is a private investigator just because he spies on me through my windows?

I think Swayze just took his cue from the underground uprising a few years back when the hip-hop community cited the whitest-white man ever, Phil Collins, as an inspiration to rap music!

And since Swayze's last name has been used as hip-hop slang since the early 1990's (the term "Swayze" means to "leave" or "disappear", clearly derived from the title of his 1990 hit film Ghost), he's decided that opens the door for him to explore this avenue.

Uhhh, I really can't believe this is real. I have heard stories of the Armageddon coming when the Mayan calendar comes to a close in 2012, but this is ridiculous. How in the world can he be a rapper? Does he even have any money left?

Swayze, who has a role in the new flick Keeping Mum, did not peg a release date on his new material.

Swazye is currently filming Fox and The Hound II.

Oooh, what a bad, bad boy he is!

Currently playing: The Darkness - Is It Just Me?

Happy New Year!

A new year, a new post - this one's for you, Robin! (There, Robin, you're on my blog - now quit bugging me and get your own!!!) teehee!

-THE END-

:)