My quota wasn't reached in 2005...

You see, every year, ever since I bought my car in 2000, I've had - ahem, excuse me - my CAR has had - the uncanny ability to, in the winter time, locate icy patches near red lights and gently slide along, disarming my brakes, until it hits the vehicle in front of me. Usually, this happens twice a year.

In 2005, I've not been privy to this biannual occurance.

So I'm thinking I've either: a.) outgrown my need to "tap" the bumper of the car in front of me with my already-dented-up licence plate on my fender (a subconscious cry for attention, or perhaps my inner driver is telling me it's time for a new car, so I should bang up this one?); b.) simply just become a better driver (nahhhh!); c.) my car, being possessed, is secretly seeking revenge on me for not cleaning it on a regular basis, so it's saving up this year's expected number of times to rear-end the driver in front of me for next year, to make it a four-fold experience.

I'm guessing it's the latter.

Although, I have come pretty danged close to this event twice in the span of one week. And Donovan had the (mis?)fortune of being there for the second time.

I don't speed. In fact, I drive like an old lady. Sometimes. When I'm not in a rush. So the first time, a few weeks back, I was on my way to work, after just having spent the morning and early afternoon with my sister Leanne and her 8-month old daughter, my niece Alexis. As I reflected back on my hours spent with my little goddaughter, I noticed that the van in front of me began to stop at a set of red lights on Notre Dame, and, with there being ample space between our vehicles, I began to gently apply the brakes on my shitty 1999 Pontiac Sunfire.

Only the brakes didn't stop the car.

I was on a one-way collision course with the old lady in the Blue Blockers in the van ahead of me, and she didn't even see it coming, despite my efforts to warn her by laying on my horn. My car was sliding and gaining speed and momentum as it went. Visions of my car hitting hers filled my head, and I could even hear the crunching sound of the metal twisting as my licence plate would, once again, become tangled up in the bumper of the car ahead of me.

But then, with what can only be described as the Miracle of Christmas, my car came to a sudden and unexplained stop, a mere inch (and I'm not even exaggerating!) away from the van in front of me.

The lady in the van hadn't even noticed. I guess she had her CJOB cranked to the nuts and couldn't hear my blaring warnings of my car horn.

The light turned green, and after I dry heaved for a moment, I proceeded to make my way to work - only this time, driving 10km/hr the entire way and shaking uncontrollably.

I can laugh about it now, and I did a few days later, when I was recalling the story with Donovan in the passenger seat after I picked him up from work. I swear to God, my car had chosen that exact moment to scare the crap out of me once more by re-enacting the incident from a few days prior, only this time the van was a gino-mobile. Again my car failed to stop when the brakes were applied, and again my car stopped within an inch of the other car.

Now I carry an extra pair of undies in the car for both Donovan and myself.

The lesson I've learned: 1.) my car IS truly possessed (don't even TRY to read the time on my clock); 2.) driving like an old lady not only makes me a better driver, but also saves on gas; 3.) the best prevention for the new year is to strap chains on my tires.

I can only speculate, and had better brace myself for the fact, that in 2006, I will rear-end vehicles on 4 seperate instances to make up for the times I didn't do it this year.

The moral of the story: if you see me on the road, stay the heck out of my way!

Currently listening to: the intro loop of my new favourite show, 24, on DVD, waiting for us to indulge in yet another exciting episode!

My new addiction

There is a new man in my life.

And my husband loves to watch, too. (teehee!)

The new man is named Jack Bauer, and he heads a field operations unit of the CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit) on our new favourite addiction, 24. Although Kiefer Sutherland isn't the world's most delicious piece of eye candy, his character Jack is certainly a hero among heros - a king among kings - when it comes to defending his country and the people he loves!

Donovan and I recently rented the entire first season of 24 and had ourselves a Jack Bauer marathon - we watched as many as 14 hours of the show in one day! (We would have watched more if Robin didn't show up and play video games!)

But of course we loved having Robin over.

But we also love watching the exciting adventures of Jack.

Now that we've finished Season 1 - and I can't BELIEVE how THAT ONE turned out! - we will be renting Season 2 to watch in the next few days. Goodbye sleep!

There used to be only 3 things in life I cherished: Bono (and his bandmates); my family; and my husband (in no particular order). Now I do believe that my love of 24 supersedes them all.

Or is a close 4th, anyways!

Currently playing: the sounds of Donovan playing one of his XBox games - "Will do!"

Welcome Home, TPK

For the past year and a half, one of my all-time favourite CDs had been missing:

The Philosopher Kings debut self-titled album.

I'm talkin' one of my FAVOURITE CDs here - right after my U2 collection and Live's Throwing Copper. (And of course, right after Terry Vain and the Itch.....) I listened to the buttery-smooth grooves of this disc on a regular basis, fell asleep to them most times. I LOVE this disc.

The most frustrating thing was that I KNEW where this disc was. Sort of. I had listened to it in Dono's car, kept it in there almost religiously....until one day when I went to reach for it, and it was GONE. M.I.A.

It didn't fall out anywhere. You couldn't understand unless you have been in his car. It's a vacuum, a deep abyss, a collection of things you forget you've ever owned until you somehow stumble across it hiding in the backseat one day. My CD was somewhere IN the car, or had gotten transferred into our new house somewhere. But who knew where it was?!!!

So for the past year and a half, I've been without a staple in my music-loving life. It wasn't like I could just go out and buy a new disc. They don't even MAKE this one anymore, can't find it ANYWHERE. We looked.

Then, somehow, through what I can only surmise is the Miracle of Christmas, I was awoken this morning by the familiar and sultry sounds of Gerald Eaton, serenading me with one of my favourite tunes, "I Can't Get My Mind Around You".

I've cranked my stereo to the max and the album's still playing.

There really IS a Santa Claus!

(Thanks Dono!)

Currently playing: The Philosopher Kings - Leave That Man (I won't be doing that now!) HA!

My New Year's Resolution...

Every year, around this time, I take a few moments and reflect back on the year gone by. Was I a good enough person? Did I make the most of my year? Did I keep my New Year's resolution?

Although the answers for the first two are primarily subjective, and answers vary on the mood I'm in when I'm asking myself, the answer to the latter is constant: nope.

Every year, for at least the past decade, my resolutions have been the same: to quit smoking and to lose weight. Well, from the time I make my resolution on Jan 1st to the time the end of the year rolls around, I discover that I've increased my cigarette smoke intake and I've packed on some pounds.

So this year, I've decided to change things up a bit.

For 2006, I'm resolving to increase my smoking habits and just balloon out like an SOB.

(We'll see if this reverse psychology actually works!)

Either that, or I'm just going to resolve to not make any New Year's resolutions, and just to continue trying to be a good person and making the most of the new year.

We'll see how much wine I drink at 11:59pm on New Year's Eve - that will determine which resolution I choose to make.

Currently listening to: the sounds of Donovan bringing stuff into our new office from our dining room/storage room upstairs. It sounds soooo relaxing!

Won't someone buy my stuff?

I love www.usedwinnipeg.com.

I check it out most everyday.

(This is beginning to sound like it's going to turn into a limerick!)

But seriously, I always look for things, like assorted used Ikea items, furniture, books, whatever. So I decided a couple of months ago to make my own contribution to this gigantic online garage sale.

I've posted one of my wedding dresses (not that I've been married more than once...the first 2 were annulled....! - I just happened to buy a dress too early before the wedding and simply changed my mind. So THAT'S been posted for a while. No bites. Then I posted a duplicate of a limited edition U2 lithograph - surely this one's gonna be a hit! Hello bidding war!

Nothing.

THEN I added to my collection of items for sale a South Park collector's plush characters complete with theme box, all in mint condition. I even said I was open to offers.

But not even a glance.

Doesn't anyone appreciate a good deal? And come on, the U2 litho, well, they don't even make this one anymore! And it's even got a certificate of authenticity! Surely SOMEONE out there MUST be interested!

......will you buy my stuff?!


(picture not to scale)!!!

Won't you help Larry Mullen Jr. find a home?!



Currently playing: U2 - All I Want Is the U2 lithograph...I mean....You

Disclaimer: subliminal messages may cause sudden urge to purchase this rare U2 collector's item. Potential buyers shouldn't purchase the U2 lithograph if they intend to maintain full use of all their internal organs, including proper lung and urinary tract functions. Do not buy the U2 lithograph if you are nursing or pregnant, or if you are thinking of becoming pregnant.

Disclaimer's disclaimer: all the above statements are false, except for the bit about the subliminal messages. That part's true....!

I Want a Blind, Pedophiliac Hippopotamus for Christmas!

After posting the picture that links to that Hippo song last night on the blog, I had a hard time getting to sleep. I mean, something just wasn't sitting right with me, and I couldn't figure it out.... that is, until I came back today and looked at the post again.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!!


Let's break it down and examine the possible theories:




Exhibit A:
First off, why is the hippo wearing sunglasses? And sunglasses that don't even fit him properly, I might add. The only thing I can deduce from this is that he is blind. Clearly, if he had relatively good vision, he would have at least found a pair of sunglasses that look good on him. Is this what the children of America want, is a blind beast that could trample them at any second without warning? Secondly, why is the hippo smoking a candy cane? Is it because he is blind, and believes the confection to be some sort of illegal substance that just happens to taste pepperminty because he just finished downing a bottle of Peppermint Schnapp's?

Exhibit B:
But herein lies the paradoxical evidence that contradicts my blind theory, rather supporting my hypothesis that this hippo has pedophiliac tendancies - what's he doing with the candy cane?! Is it just me, or is he trying to lift up that little girl's skirt for a peek?

Could he really be blind, and just regrettably clumsy? Or could he simply be faking is vision loss to enable his pedophile ways? Or could he be both? That is not for me to decide. You have the evidence now, you can draw your own conclusions.

Exhibit C:
Clearly, this little girl is frightened and attempting to run away. And rightly so - the "blind", pedophiliac hippopotamus is a menace to society. Obviously this little girl has been naughty all year, if this is the breed Santa chose to honour her Christmas wish of a hippopotamus with!

The moral of the story, kids - stick with Barbie Dolls and World Peace on your lists to Santa. Because even if you've been bad all year, he really can't screw you over with wishes like that!

Currently playing: Queen - The Show Must Go On

The symptoms of withdrawal are beginning to subside...

After nearly 4'ish days sans internet at home, we're finally back online! Whew!

Guess we can't just chuck those bills in the garbage anymore when they arrive in the mail...

Either that, or we have to stop renovating our basement.

So OK to the latter! Well, we're VIRTUALLY finished, anyways! We moved our office (computers, desks, etc) from the main floor to our NEW office room in the NEW basement! And I'll be danged if it don't look s'danged good!

Frame - check.
Drywall - check.
Paint - check.
Furniture - check.
Carpet - check.
Air hockey table - check.
And most importantly, internet - check.

The urge I once had to burn this basement down is but a faint memory. 7 months is a long time to be living in chaos, that's practically half of our entire life in this house! But at the same time, 7 months to completely build a basement that's pretty bitchin' is pretty cool!

So, all I want for Christmas is some baseboards to finish 'er off!

And sleep......
Currently playing: Gayla Peevey - I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

Click on the picture to see how I've managed to occupy my time without the net the past few days! (and turn up the speakers!)

Goodbye, holidays!

Well, after 2 weeks of going on my own schedule; relaxing, sleeping in, Christmas shopping/decorating, playing with my niece Alexis - the fun otherwise known as "holidays" has officially come to an end for this year.

Last night Dono had to set the alarm for 5am this morning, to get me up and ready for my 10-hr shift (0700-1700), a delightful way to welcome me back into the routine! Unfortunately, I was so excited to start up my blog last night, that, I have to admit, I couldn't get to sleep until well after 11:30pm! Visions of "the next posting" danced in my head!

So, needless to say, due to my tomfoolery resulting in a sheer lack of sleep, this is how I'm feeling this morning:














Goodbye holidays! See you next year!

Currently playing: U2 - Baby, Please Come Home


ps. Might I just add that, after only 2 postings, I can see why my husband is addicted to blogging. Now I feel bad for making fun of him! Aaaaaand I'm going to be late for work today... aaaaand cue cheater parking!

Well, everyone else is doing it...

Making fun of my husband for having a blog was something I didn't do to cause him harm; it was simply my way of showing a "healthy bout of envy" for his courage in exploring the new hype that "all the kids" are in to. And man, I really started feeling my age! I'm turning into an old 27 year old! But as time passed, I really became proud of him, and found joy in his weekly postings - and often found myself at a loss when there were no new postings to be discovered.

His postings are witty; downright funny is more like it. They act as a beacon in an otherwise dark and looming world of the uncertainty and underestimated realm of cyberspace.

And so, I, too, have decided to enter the blogship arena!

Here is my first foray into this well-chartered territory, well-chartered thanks to my husband's beacon of hope!

Now, in true Yaciuk-style...

Currently playing: Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl