I Want a Blind, Pedophiliac Hippopotamus for Christmas!
After posting the picture that links to that Hippo song last night on the blog, I had a hard time getting to sleep. I mean, something just wasn't sitting right with me, and I couldn't figure it out.... that is, until I came back today and looked at the post again.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!!
Let's break it down and examine the possible theories:
Exhibit A:
First off, why is the hippo wearing sunglasses? And sunglasses that don't even fit him properly, I might add. The only thing I can deduce from this is that he is blind. Clearly, if he had relatively good vision, he would have at least found a pair of sunglasses that look good on him. Is this what the children of America want, is a blind beast that could trample them at any second without warning? Secondly, why is the hippo smoking a candy cane? Is it because he is blind, and believes the confection to be some sort of illegal substance that just happens to taste pepperminty because he just finished downing a bottle of Peppermint Schnapp's?
Exhibit B:
But herein lies the paradoxical evidence that contradicts my blind theory, rather supporting my hypothesis that this hippo has pedophiliac tendancies - what's he doing with the candy cane?! Is it just me, or is he trying to lift up that little girl's skirt for a peek?
Could he really be blind, and just regrettably clumsy? Or could he simply be faking is vision loss to enable his pedophile ways? Or could he be both? That is not for me to decide. You have the evidence now, you can draw your own conclusions.
Exhibit C:
Clearly, this little girl is frightened and attempting to run away. And rightly so - the "blind", pedophiliac hippopotamus is a menace to society. Obviously this little girl has been naughty all year, if this is the breed Santa chose to honour her Christmas wish of a hippopotamus with!
The moral of the story, kids - stick with Barbie Dolls and World Peace on your lists to Santa. Because even if you've been bad all year, he really can't screw you over with wishes like that!
Currently playing: Queen - The Show Must Go On
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!!
Let's break it down and examine the possible theories:
Exhibit A:
First off, why is the hippo wearing sunglasses? And sunglasses that don't even fit him properly, I might add. The only thing I can deduce from this is that he is blind. Clearly, if he had relatively good vision, he would have at least found a pair of sunglasses that look good on him. Is this what the children of America want, is a blind beast that could trample them at any second without warning? Secondly, why is the hippo smoking a candy cane? Is it because he is blind, and believes the confection to be some sort of illegal substance that just happens to taste pepperminty because he just finished downing a bottle of Peppermint Schnapp's?Exhibit B:
But herein lies the paradoxical evidence that contradicts my blind theory, rather supporting my hypothesis that this hippo has pedophiliac tendancies - what's he doing with the candy cane?! Is it just me, or is he trying to lift up that little girl's skirt for a peek?Could he really be blind, and just regrettably clumsy? Or could he simply be faking is vision loss to enable his pedophile ways? Or could he be both? That is not for me to decide. You have the evidence now, you can draw your own conclusions.
Exhibit C:
Clearly, this little girl is frightened and attempting to run away. And rightly so - the "blind", pedophiliac hippopotamus is a menace to society. Obviously this little girl has been naughty all year, if this is the breed Santa chose to honour her Christmas wish of a hippopotamus with!The moral of the story, kids - stick with Barbie Dolls and World Peace on your lists to Santa. Because even if you've been bad all year, he really can't screw you over with wishes like that!
Currently playing: Queen - The Show Must Go On
posted by cat yaciuk at
10:09:00 a.m.
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