"Zellers...where Customer Service is ZERO!"

I received my weekly flyer from Zellers in the mail last Wednesday, and the savings advertised on the front page were amazing! A little mini "boombox" for only $20, and - here's the kicker - my mother's favourite fragrance, Oscar de la Renta, a 4-pc set, on sale for 50% off! I was so excited to have discovered this little gem, and I couldn't wait for Saturday morning to arrive to partake in the flyer's advertised "Saturday Store Crashers" sale. The flyer stated "limited quantities, no rainchecks available", so I knew we had to be there first thing in the morning.

So Donovan and I went to bed early on Friday night, and set the alarm for 7am - one hour prior to store opening. By 7:30, we were out the door, half asleep and without makeup on (that goes for just me now, since Donovan stopped playing in his rock band!).

We were pleased to see that only a few cars littered the lot, and that eager Zellers patrons were already beginning to line up outside the doors in the nippy winter air. Donovan and I quickly walked (we didn't want to look like nerds and RUN to the still-locked doors) past the elderly folk to make it to second in line.

Our enthusiasm could barely be contained - we were mere moments away from indulging in the spectacular savings that this establishment was about to offer, and we began to salivate just thinking about the incredible deals we were about to sink our teeth into! Our plan was in place - we decided our mission would be best served if we split up: Donovan was going to make a bee-line for the stereos, and I was going to get the perfume.

And so the moment of truth - the sales girl approached the doors and began to unlock them (a procedure that took far too long for my liking...no doubt she wasn't as anxious as we were about her employer's fabulous offerings). Once the doors opened, Donovan pushed his way past the old woman and her middle-aged son who were ahead of us in line to race towards the electronics department, and I headed for the fragrance section.

The race was on! The flyer stated that "limited quantities" were available for the perfume, and I could see others following my lead, but I had a good start on them. There was no way they were going to catch up!

Soon I reached the fragrance section. Should be an easy find - it was, after all, a "Saturday Store Crasher". I was expecting to see flashing lights and big neon arrows pointing to this spectacular little deal. I circled the counter once, twice, thrice (because thrice is nice, according to Fr. Darren, the priest who married Donovan and I). Then the herd of women who were miles behind me started to approach the counter, too. They saw me frantically searching for this perfume, and they, too, began their own hunt. But to no avail!

So I decided that, instead of circling aimlessly and perhaps running the risk that this fragrance was placed in another section of the store, I decided to abandon my search efforts and seek out a friendly sales representative to assist me.

The sales representative (Susan, I believe her name was), began to inform me that the store had only received ONE fragrance set, and that substitutions were beign made in lieu of this.

ONE????

Now I'm no expert here, but how can you have a Saturday Store Crasher sale with only ONE item in stock? And never mind THAT, I was the first one to the counter, but that ONE they spoke of couldn't even be found!

And never mind THAT!!!, the substitution they were offering was some smelly Addidas cologne! How can you compare Oscar de la Renta with Addidas?? Absolutely absurd!

Susan brought me back to the counter to show me the Addidas, and the sign posted where the Oscar was SUPPOSED to be - the sign read "temporarily out of stock, rainchecks available".

"Well, that's fine, I'll just get a raincheck for the item," I told Susan.

"But the flyer says 'no rainchecks'," Susan informed me.

This is where we meet the next character in this misadventure - she was Large and In Charge, and she was NOT taking "no rainchecks" for an answer!

"Well, the sign says right here that rainchecks are available, so I'll just take this sign to the Customer Service desk and get my raincheck," Large and In Charge said, as she removed the sign from the counter.

"Well, the flyer says NO RAINCHECKS, so I'll just take this sign back, and you can try going to the Service Desk to see if they'll give you one anyways," Susan said as she began to take the sign back.

"NO, I'LL take this sign," Large and In Charge said, as she ripped the sign out of Susan's hand. "If I give it back to you, I may never see it again!"

Needless to say, I followed Large - if anyone could do anything about anything, it was her, and seeing as how I probably would've given up my attempt after being told to forget it, Large wasn't settling for that.

So we made it to the Service Desk, and sure enough, the same dialogue ensued.

"Well, the flyer says no rainchecks available."

"But this SIGN says I CAN get a raincheck."

The Service Desk lady got on the phone, and as she did this, Large turned around to me and the others in line who sheepishly followed her on this pilgrimage to claim our coveted rainchecks, and she proudly exclaimed loud enough for all to hear:





"Zellers....where Customer Service is Zero!!!"




No one was really sure exactly what she meant by that, but God bless her, she was simply trying to stand up for what she believed in - and it worked!

"Put me down for 2 sets," Large told the Service Desk lady.

When Large was finished, it was my turn - and I asked for 2 as well. One for my mother, and one will go to a shrine that will pay homage to Large and In Charge, for, if it weren't for her, none of us would be in possession of a raincheck for a product that never even existed.

Thank you, Large! For it is your wisdom that I shall share with others, and your words that shall one day be my epitaph - Zellers...where Customer Service is Zero.


ps. Donovan did find the boomboxes, and we each purchased one - although the boombox will never take the place of Oscar.

Currently playing: Kanye West - Gold Digger