Let me get this off my chest...

I need to take this opportunity to address something.

It's something that's been at the back of my mind for a very long time now; something that I have suppressed for many years, but it's something that can still resurface and eat away at me when I least expect it.

And so now, I'm going to let this ghost out of my closet. I'm going to come forward and hopefully, by addressing this issue, this demon will never again taunt me.

So please, sit back, relax, and attempt to understand my anger/frustration/humiliation as I begin to unfold this story for you.

The year was 1992. I was in Grade 9 at St. Boniface Diocesan High School. My first year in high school, and believe it or not, I wasn't "cool". Sure, I had my little group of friends, but we weren't "bad" by any stretch of the imagination. We were the nerds - the "baddest" thing we ever did was maybe run around with scissors in our hands, or like one time in Art class, I purposely left the cap off of the glue bottle. Boy, did I ever feel BAD! But when it came to things that really mattered - fashion for one, but we won't go there - no, things like MUSIC, I sure wasn't "down" with what the kids would call "hip".

I was feeling like a bit of a loser, and I needed to rebel.

(Imagine that!)

So one day, before class started, I took a spot at the back of the classroom. All the cool kids were congregating at the front, sitting on top of their desks, talking about how bad they were. They were dressed in black, playing air guitar with each other and raving about Metallica, and it was then that I decided, "This is it! I'm going to be bad now!"

So I reached into my Hello Kitty pencil case and found a black pen. Ooooh, I was going to be so bad I could TASTE it! I was going to vandalize school property! And I was going to do it by scrawling something on my desk!

But I couldn't write something "dirty", that wasn't my style. No, I would not only be bad, but I would show my coolness by writing the name of a popular rock band on my desk! I couldn't pick something that would incriminate another classmate; I had to choose the name of a band that was still popular, but that wasn't mentioned as much as Bon Jovi or Slayer.

Who's that band that sings that hit song Jeremy? That band of hooligans with that lead singer Eddie Vedder, the one the girls were always drooling about?

Oh yes!

My body shook with anticipation, and my hand anxiously began to write the name of this band, but I had to do it quickly so no one would actually witness my act.

There - it was done! I had done it! I was bad!

I sat there, at my desk, proud of this pivitol moment in my teenage-hood. Class had begun, and I couldn't focus on anything except for the words that I had covertly scribbled on the desk, shuffling my papers around inconspicuously to get someone's attention, only to act as though it had been there before I had even entered the classroom. No one knew - and that was ok. I knew how bad I was, and that was all I needed!

I was satisfied.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later...

My friends and I were headed to the classroom for our lesson on adjectives and pronouns. As we turned the corner, I saw that the cool kids weren't congregated at the front of the room as they normally were. No, this day they were sitting around MY desk, banging their heads to the lyrics they were singing, oblivious to my personal treasure that was just beneath them. I excused myself past them, and took my seat. My act of vandalism was still sitting there, staring up at me. Just as I was admiring my handiwork, one of the cool kids caught the object of my gaze... and proceeded to point.

"Hey!", he exclaimed, "Look at this!"

The cool kids all leaned in to see what he was referring to. My smirk was undeniable.

Until he started to laugh.

"PerAL Jam!" he snorted.

What's this? I spelled the name WRONG????

My smirk began to subside.

"HAHAHA!!!!" he continued. "I remember when I wrote this!!! PerAL Jam! Man, I'm funny!"

Ok, NOW I was mad! Not only did I SCREW UP my only chance at coolness by spelling the name of Pearl Jam wrong, but now, right before my very eyes, this cool kid was taking the credit - and being hailed by his buddies as a funny hero!

And that's when I decided I would only enjoy music by bands whose names I can't screw up.

I love U2!