So last night, we saw (or DIDN'T see) David Copperfield...

He IS an illusionist, y'know.

But seriously - thanks to my darling, sweet mother-in-law (no really, I LOVE her!), Dono and I were able to go see the only magician to have been Knighted by the Government of France.

(That's one of the tidbits we learned last night while being subjected to the self-serving 25 min-long video compilation containing EVERY David Copperfield reference from EVERY television show and feature film EVER made, played as a preface to the "magicianary" we were about to experience.)

What I came to see was the David Copperfield I grew up with - the one with the thick black mullet, donning the flowy white Seinfeld-pirate shirt, who, with a mysterious and sometimes creepy-intense look on his face, would freak out his audience by flying through the air. (I have to admit, I was also hoping for a bit of Siegfried and Roy action - y'know, tigers going crazy on stage and attacking the French Knight.)

But that wasn't to be.

Instead, what we got, was a leathery-faced Bob-Saget wannabe with cheesy jokes and a duck named Webster.

And mind-blowing illusions.

Dono and I spent more time laughing AT David Copperfield rather than allowing ourselves to be swept away by the magic. It wasn't until we were leaving the MTS Centre, walking out to our car, that we realized what the hell it was we just witnessed.

How DID he do that?!

Although I joked prior to the show that his name should be David Cop-a-feel (he sure does like brining skinny pretties on stage to "assist" him), I can't deny the power that is The Copp.

Making a car appear on stage right before our eyes? And sending some chica to Hawaii? One second, she's on stage with him, the next, they're both on the big screen, hooked up live, via satellite, to an island in Hawaii, with a picture taken moments before they "left" that was signed and dated by a witness on stage (one of the anorexic beauties), as proof that they were really there.

WTF???

Man, if I had powers like that, like teleportation, I would use those powers for good. Someone should tell The Copp the same. If he could just teach the world that ONE trick - how to close your eyes in Winnipeg and, in mere seconds later, end up in Hawaii - do you realize what that would do? What that COULD do?

For one, we wouldn't rely on cars to get us around anymore. So BAM, we save our money, and BAM BAM, we're saving our environment! Global warming is a big issue, and with The Copp's expertise, we could single-handedly SAVE our world (and save bucks doing it)!

(I started this out by saying "For one", as if there were other reasons to follow. There aren't. I'm sorry.)

Why doesn't he teach us this power? Why is David Copperfield being so selfish? Does he not care about the baby seals?

So now, all those ppl who are supporting his shows and pay big bucks to see weird shit happen, need to ask themselves - WHY DOESN'T DAVID COPPERFIELD CARE ABOUT OUR CHILDREN?

I give his act 2 MAGIC WANDS up, but for the man himself, well, he can just take his Knighted arse over to France and bury himself alive. The world doesn't need his illusions as much as it needs his superhero powers to save it.